I need to not exist for a bit. August 22nd 2024

Lately everything has been both easy, and difficult at the same time. Work has started and as much as I'm excited, I can't get rid of my own inadequacy, or at least the feeling of it. I keep wanting to be better, yet I keep making the same mistakes, and I can't seem to be a decent person enough to break the cycle.

I have this self desctructive thing going on for what it seems like my whole life. I don't mean to sound dramatic but I keep giving myself reasons to actively hate myself. I want to be better. I really truly do. I'm useless and stupid. I keep wasting time on stuff that doesn't matter. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. But I know that I can be better, and I just am not. Why. Why not.

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